Life Is What You Make It

I remember when I was a kid, my Mom babysat, ironed other peoples clothes and did typing so that she could stay at home with us kids. My Dad worked as much overtime as he could to make sure our family's bills were paid and to put food on the table. When we got older and were all in school, both my Mom and Dad worked full time. My Dad would often work 6 days a week,10 hours a day. My Mom would come home from work, change clothes, make dinner, do dishes and check that we had our homework done. On Saturdays, she would do laundry, go grocery shopping and us kids would help her clean the house. This was our routine.

At 18 years old I was sure I knew it all and had everything figured out. I got married and a year later found myself expecting a baby. I guess I was lucky, because I found out when I was a teen, that I knew nothing. My marriage was full of problems. My husband could not keep a job, there was domestic abuse and he drank. Those, believe it or not, were the easy problems in our marriage. My parents sat me down and told me to figure life out fast before my baby was born. I knew that was not the life I wanted for my child, so I left my husband and filed for a divorce.

I got an apartment about a block north of my parents. They urged me to go back to school, get a college degree and a job. They offered to help care for my daughter if I would do those things. It seem impossible and I looked around and saw other single mom's on welfare, food stamps and section 8 housing that appeared to be making out okay. But my parents insisted that I look at the big picture. So I enrolled in college and was lucky to find a full time job there as well.

One thing led to another and at twenty, I found myself in the police academy. I worked full-time as a police officer for many years. While working, I continued to go to school full-time and earned my bachelor’s degree. It was not the easy road but I was trying to build a future for myself and daughter. My parents were my biggest cheerleaders. There were no “party years”, no easy ride. My time away from school and work, for the most part, was spent with my daughter and parents.

When the opportunity to attend Law School came my way my parents urged me to take it. Within months of starting Law School, I got a job at a Law Firm working full-time evenings and weekends. By the time I earned my Doctorate in Law I thought I caught a glimpse at the light at the end of the tunnel. After I graduated, I continued working at the Law Firm and also taught classes at a local college and at a University. I had bought a house, but spent very little time there. By now my daughter was in high school and a girls youth group. She was in the marching band and my social life consisted of attending her school events. My Tuesday nights and most weekend were spent with her youth group. It seemed that I was always on my way somewhere and slept whenever I could grab a few hours. I felt as if I should be doing more. Like I was letting life slip through my fingers.

In my late thirties I re-married and moved to a small rural town in Missouri. My daughter was in college by then. Jumping ahead to my fifties, I am still looking for that light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, I could have done things differently. But then maybe I would not be where I am today and I feel blessed to be where I am at this point in my life. As a daughter, wife, mother and grandma I do the best I can. I have slowed down a bit, but still have a full plate. I have a job, help my husband on the farm and deal with some health issues.

I watch with awe as my baby has grown into a beautiful woman, wife, mother and daughter. I see her doing whatever she can to make a life for her family. She is always on the move. She home schools her kids, is involved in their youth activities, holds down a job, has her own business and helps her husband with his business. I look around at others her age and see a lot of them out at parties every weekend, then complaining about what a tough life they have. Every month these same people scramble to hit all the food pantries, family members, charities and government agencies to help them pay their bills.

Is there an easier way to live? Maybe. We all have to make choices in our lives.It's no one's job to make our life easy, it is up to us to do what we can to help our self. There will always be people standing on the outside passing judgment on our choices. But only we know the path we have walked. In my years I have learned that life is not always fair and that the things that are handed to us usually comes with strings. 

No matter how your life turns out, remember you are the artist and you have control. Don't let the canvas of your life stand un-painted and do not turn it over to someone else to paint. Pick up that paint brush and do the best you can. Then step back and admire the courage it took to paint your picture even if you have no artistic skills, it's still your painting.   https://www.facebook.com/ForSuchASeason

Setting Goals

At the beginning of each school year, our parents sit down with each of us kids to discuss the coming year.  There are two parts to this meeting - setting goals and signing an educational contract.  Neither meant a lot to me until this year.  Today I will share about goals and I hope that next week you will want to hear about the contract.

I know my mom and adult leaders plan, but the idea of goals was more than I wanted to wrap my head around until recently.  I have always been the kid who is still finishing up the year's work in July while my sister is enjoying a break because she finished her work early.  Honestly, a couple of times I've wondered if I'd get my work complete in time to attend summer camp.  Thankfully, my last-minute scrambling have always paid off and I've finished in the nick of time every time. 

This year was different.  Something clicked in the spring and I realized that if I do an extra math lesson, even every other day, then I'd at least finish on time.  Oh, was that a goal I just set?  I shocked my parents by doing lessons on the weekends and some evenings.  Before I knew it, May was here and I was at the end of the book!  To reward me for finishing so early, my mom let me take a few weeks off of math while I finished out the school year.

In the extra time that I had to think while I wasn't doing math, I realized that I could take this finishing early thing to the next level.  I calculated that I could easily finish each math level in 8 months.  What if I took a short break at the end of each level and then moved on without waiting for the next year to begin?  I could complete high school math during 10th grade and take college classes during 11th and 12th grades! 

Now that it clicked for me, I want to take a minute to share with you a couple of things about our goal-setting.  We write three goals each year: academic, behavioral/social and personal.  Each goal is written in our journal like this:

• Goal
• Why it's important
• Steps I will take to achieve it
• Help I will need
• When I plan to accomplish it

My mom made this to help us in our goals:

So what are your goals this year?

Daughter of the King

Who is the daughter of the King?  The princess, right.  Did you know that you that you are a princess? That’s right, you’re a princess.  I know your dad probably isn’t a king.  Your heavenly father is the King of kings.  He is the King over all kings that ever will live, past, present and future.  God is also your daddy.  But he is even better than your earthly dad.  You can talk to him at any time.  He never needs sleep and is never too busy to listen to what you have to say.  No matter if it is something silly or you think that it is a teeny, tiny problem or even that you are mad and doubting him.  He still wants to hear what you have to say.  He will give you advice and even help when you need it. 

Now that you understand that your “heavenly daddy” is a King and that you are a princess, you might be wondering if there are any “princess rules” that you need to follow.  The answer is yes; there are tons.  First, all of you tomboys need to start wearing frilly dresses and going to balls and then you need to stay away from trees the rest of your life.  I’m joking. J  You don’t have to do any of that.  But there a lot of rules.  The Bible is a special princess guide book to royal life.  There are rules about everything in there, from how to love (Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 1 Corinthians 13:3-5) to who to love (Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength and love your neighbor as yourself. Mark 12:30-31) and even how you should think (Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. Philippians 4:8). 

How many of you have read or heard a fairy tale? It doesn’t have to have a princess in it.  I would assume all of you have read at least one, but if not then you NEED to stop here and go read one. Then you can come back and finish this.  Ok, now that all of my audience has read or heard a fairy tale, there’s a one-question test.  Do all fairy tales have bad guys?  If you answer is no, then please tell me the story and then go back and read more fairy tales.  If your answer was yes, then you are right.  So just like in fairy tales, there is a bad guy in life.  Unfortunately this time I am not joking one bit.  You might not be able to see the enemy but he is real all right.  He has weapons that hurt bad.  They hurt more than guns.  He is the father of lies and sin.  You know that old saying “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”, well that is a lie. Your princess guide book (A.K.A. Bible) says “their words cut like swords and their cruel remarks sting like sharp arrows (Psalm 64:3).”  He offers lies about everything from thinking that God forgot you to teaching that you can think about hurting someone and that’s ok as long as you don’t actually do it.  Read you Bible.  Your father gives wisdom through it.  It says, “God has said, “never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” and “I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart (Matthew 5:28).”  The enemy also has lies that would work on some people and not on others.  Most men would not care about if they are beautiful or not. Some women wouldn’t either.  But there are women that do care.  He might tell you that you aren’t beautiful.  But Dad says something else.  He says, “The King [God] is charmed by your beauty. Honor him. He is now your master.” 

Since you now know that there is an enemy and that he has powerful weapons, you should also know that no knight in shining armor will come and rescue the princess from the enemy.  Instead you will need to put on the armor and fight.  Ephesians 6:10-18 tells us to “put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes” and continues to tell us about each piece of armor.  I am sure you have heard of the devil.  Some of you might even dress up as him on Halloween.  He is the enemy of God, our father.  “Be on your guard.  Your enemy the devil is like a roaring lion. (1 Peter 5:8).”   The enemy wanted to be God.  He wanted to be better than God.  As you could guess that didn’t turn out good for Satan.  He got kicked out of heaven.  So now he is God’s enemy.  If he is your dad’s enemy then do you think that he will treat you nice?  He might trick you into thinking that because your mom yelled and sent you to your room (disciplined you) for pushing your little pest A.K.A. brother.  He’ll also tell you that your friend who gave you candy that was stolen cares while your mom doesn’t.  You’re probably tired of me saying this, but get out your princess guide book and turn to Proverbs 27:6.  “Wounds from a friend can be trusted. But an enemy kisses you many times.”  Even if it seems like he might be right, he is the father of lies.  He has always been and will always be the father of lies.  You can’t trust him.  Go back to your princess guide book!  “Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not depend on your own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5)

I think I have given you enough to start traveling the narrow path to life.  But be warned: it is full of huge mountains and low valleys, blinding blizzards and the beautiful sunshine of God.  It is a very hard, difficult path and not many will understand why you would take this path. Your book says, “enter by the narrow gate. For the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many.   For the gate is narrow and the way is hard that leads to life, and those who find it are few”. (Mathew 7:13-14)  But at the end you will get rewarded for traveling with God.

“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.   Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”  Matthew 5:11-12

Blessing Our Daughters

Shortly after our oldest daughter turned 13, I came across Melanie Young's article about bar chanon celebrations for their sons.    It was something I knew we should also do for our daughters, so I hunted for such a thing.  I came across a couple of references to blessing teas, but nothing that really explained what the families did during the tea.  Armed with very little, I set out to plan this milestone for our daughter.

Planning the Party

We set the date in June, several months after her 13th birthday.  We don't want this event to be tied to the birth date in case we feel the need to hold off for one of other girls.  I then planned out the event.  Before we told our daughter what we were planning, I asked her to make a list of the women she looked up to.  Many were from history, but it was a good list and I wanted to incorporate it into her party somehow.  As I made my list of invitations, I realized that several of the women whom I would want to share with our daughter would be unable to attend.  Also,  I wanted it to be more than a tea party that she could look back on fondly.  To deal with all of these concerns, I chose to create a scrapbook for her.  When I sent out the invitations, I asked ladies to mail their notes so I could place them in the book before the party (I left blank space for the stragglers).   In the meantime, I compiled quotes from my daughter's list of historical women and scriptures that would be significant.  These would be scattered throughout the book.  With the elements in motion, we told our kids a little about what we were doing one night at dinner.  We asked them to not ask questions because we wanted it to be something special for them as they reach that age.

The Party

This was not an elaborate party in any way.  The tables were decorated with candles, flowers, and stones.  I was careful to choose light finger foods that required no utensils and lemonade and iced tea were available to drink.  Each place had a plate, napkin and cup.  Tied to the cups were tags that said "we are so blessed" and a small goody box containing a Hershey kiss was in each cup.  After the ladies arrived, I explained the purpose of the party and each one shared scripture and words of wisdom with us.  Our daughter received three gifts at the blessing tea.  One gift was her scrapbook so she could go back to that moment and those words whenever she needed encouragement.  The second gift was the book Before You Meet Prince Charming by Sarah Malley.  This book is an excellent tool to guide girls in preparing their hearts and minds for the life God has before them (whether that includes Prince Charming or not).  The third gift was a Bright Lights kit to encourage our oldest daughter in her leadership of girls younger than herself. 

After the Party

Our daughter seemed to enjoy her party, but was unusually quiet afterwards.  Later that evening, she asked if she could give two of the three flower arrangements to her younger sisters.  She has spent a considerable amount of time looking at her album and is still receiving some notes and letters in the mail to include in the book.  We are looking forward to doing our next blessing tea in three years or so with our middle daughter. 

A Girl's Best Friend

A lot of people say that diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but not this girl.  My sister is my best friend.  

I have grown up without many girls my age around.  Even though I shared a room with both of my sisters, I would often play by myself and then find myself wishing that I had a girl my age to play with.  Sleepovers and constant companionship were things I dreamed of sharing with her.  The loneliness got even harder after we moved.  At first I thought that it would be great having my own room, but I desperately missed my roommates.   Because my sisters shared a room, they got closer and I felt much farther from the people I hung out with the most.  I am glad that God only made me go through that for a few months.  He saved me by bringing my brother into our family.  To give him a bedroom, all three of us girls had to share a bed room again.  It was a small bedroom so my middle sister got the top bunk and I got the loft bed.  With six family members in a small house, that was our hiding place.  As the two of us retreated there more often around the same times, we grew much closer.  We learned more about each other and learned that we think alike and enjoy the same thing in many areas of our lives.  Then we moved again.  Everyone kept talking about how good it would be for us in a bigger house.  My middle sister and I had a different idea about this bigger house.  We just got closer and didn’t want to have our own rooms.  So both of us went to our parents and asked to share a room with the other.  We were surprised when they said yes!  Through all this we grew closer but I also started taking our friendship for granted.  I started thinking that she couldn’t be my best friend because she was my sister and so much younger than me (three years can feel like a big gap).  I’d have to find someone else.  Sometimes she was an annoying little sister, but she just happened to grab me at just the right time so I could see her as a friend.  

          I was starting to realize that maybe she could be my best friend recently, but the defining moment was when Cece had her seizure. I was so scared because I thought she would die.  For the next few days, I was very upset and would cry almost every hour. I would not go to our room and I couldn’t do my homework.  Mom and dad lectured everyone about seizures – symptoms to look for, what to do if we saw one, and how to handle things after it was over.  Over that time, I learned that she probably would not have died.  But I also started thinking about if it was something else and she did die, how would I feel?  I know I would feel guilty that I spent 24/7 with her and didn’t think of her as a friend.  Who could know me better than the person that I talk with face to face over half the day and understands what I’m feeling.  Besides that, there’s so much we enjoy doing together.  What more could you want in a friend?

I have been praying for a little while for someone.  And to think while I was begging God for a girl, my answer was in the same room as me, doing something I love.  I know of girls that have friends outside their homes, but sometimes the BFF of your dreams is the same girl that has a bed next to you and she's worth far more than diamonds.

A Busy Silence

Our recent silence is in direct correlation of our busyness in our home this week.  Last weekend found us in Omaha at a homeschool convention with a crashed computer.  We had a wonderful, mostly technology-free weekend which I'm sure we'll share with you soon.  We came home to a grandma who had been very sick all weekend and spent all day Monday at the doctor.  Before you feel too bad for her, the day ended with a massage to ease her pain.  As our family headed to bed, we experienced one of those life-altering, character-defining moments.  Our oldest daughter (the one who blogs here) found our middle daughter in bed having a seizure.  This is the first we know of and it scared us all greatly, except for the one having the seizure who remembers very little from the entire night.  I'm sure we will blog about that event also, but let me just share today that it has turned an already over-scheduled week upside down and we are still trying to overcome the exhaustion from all of the events.  Thank you for your patience as we get back on track next week.  Have a wonderful weekend!

Singing & Signing, Signing & Singing

For a while I have known that when I am an adult I would like to be a sign language interpreter. I love signing.  I find myself signing in my head all the time.  Sometimes I catch myself signing for real when I didn’t intend to.

I also enjoy singing.  Yep, signing and singing.  I have been practicing with our church worship team for over 8 months. At our church this is how you audition for the worship team.  When the worship leader feels that you are ready, he puts you on the team for Sundays.  He warned me early on that I would be coming for a lot of Wednesdays before being put on the team for Sunday, partly because of my age and lack of experience.  For a few months, I have been wondering if I actually want to be in the worship team or not because then when Sunday comes I would be on stage with a microphone singing instead of being in the audience signing.  Last night at practice I was singing, but not really paying attention to the words and more signing in my head. 

After the song I started talking to the lady next to me like always. I told her that I am always finding myself signing. She told me that maybe I have the gift of music not so I would be a singer, but so I would sign.  During the next song I continued to think about that.  I realized that it is very easy for me to learn to sign a song, generally only taking a day or two to get it down.  Also I can use my whole body to sign.  When practice was over I decided that this might be a nudge that I needed.  I’m not sure where it was nudging me to, but I was definitely moved to a different place than when I entered the building.   As I was getting ready to leave, the worship leader came to me and asked if I would consider signing on stage for the church. Seriously?!  I was so excited that I was speechless!  I have been waiting for a long time to be on stage singing and then I was asked to do something on stage that I love even more. If I had planned it wouldn’t have tuned out like this.  Once again I am reminded that God’s timing is even better than mine.

Brother Wanted

About two years ago, I started daydreaming about how cool it would be to have a brother.  A month later, I was still thinking about it a lot and even had a dream about it.  In my dream, a dark kid was sitting with us around our Christmas tree opening presents.  I wasn’t sure what to think, so I talked to my parents. I could have predicted what they were going to say. They told me, “ask God about it. If you spend time reading your Bible and praying, you will know.”  So I did that and it became even clearer.  I went back and told them my results.  Again they said, “ask God about it.”  It just so happened that we had already decided to take a mission trip to Taiwan that year.  So after I asked God about it again, we went to a meeting for the Taiwan group.  After the meeting, I went to talk to the pastor about adopting since talking to my parents wasn’t going anywhere.  All he had to say was “maybe you are going to adopt when you are an adult.”  I didn’t think so, so I went back to praying.  By now it was the beginning of July. 
One morning my parents made breakfast for us.  After prayer they asked us what we thought of adopting.  After a while of talking they told us that a good friend, who was in the Taiwan group, had e-mailed us that there was a 6-year-old boy in Taiwan that needed a home.  When I heard that I felt that God was yelling “here’s you answer!”  I knew that we would be bringing him home.  My parent still did not believe me.  Since the trip was only 2 weeks away, my dad said that we could think about it and see the boy.  Fast forward 2 weeks and I got off my first airplane ride.  We went straight to the orphanage where the little boy Guan Guan lived.  I loved him at first sight. He and the other orphans got me involved in a mixed-up game of keep away and tag. It was such a fun experience.  Over the course of the trip I went to a swimming pool, night market, park and beach.  At the beach Guan Guan’s aunt came and talked with my dad about adopting him.  After a while, my dad came into the water and told me we were going to start the adoption process.  I was so excited that I fell underwater.  Every time after I saw him I thought, “he is going to be my little brother.”  Once I got home my family started getting things ready.  I will be honest - the whole adoption process was stressful and hard.  I had a very hard time giving up my own bedroom.  I couldn’t find someone to talk to about the process of adopting, so I had no idea what to expect.  A social worker came to our house and talked to me about what I thought about having a brother. Although it seemed like forever, our adoption was only 4 months long and that is actually very fast.  About 4 or 5 days before Christmas my family was in our kitchen making breakfast and my mom all called us to come to the table. We all gathered around her as she read the e-mail that Guan Guan was ready for my parents to come and get him.  I was so overjoyed! I felt like screaming and crying and jumping for joy all at once. 


The day I met my brother in Taiwan

The day after Christmas my sisters and I were dropped off at Grandma’s house.  My mom and dad flew to Taiwan to complete their paperwork and spend a couple of days getting to know Guan Guan.  They were gone for almost 2 weeks.  Those were probably the most impatient weeks I ever had.  Finally, on January 10, friends of ours came to take us to the airport to meet our brother. I ran down the airport halls at 11:00 pm trying to find the gate that my parents were at. I practically attacked them when I found them!  We brought Guan Guan home and showed him his room, but it didn’t feel real that he was with us.   I will never forget the first 2 months or so we would have to stay in his room for a while every night and my mom couldn’t leave Guan Guan because he was afraid that we would not come back.  It just broke my heart that he would feel that way.  I was happy when he learned enough English that we could tell him that we love him and that we would never leave him.  As hard as it has been getting used to having a brother and working through his past, it is all worth it in my heart to know that know he doesn’t have to worry about any of that now.

Happy Mother's Day

My mom’s grandma passed away almost three years ago.  Before she passed away, we visited her almost weekly, often spending the night or a weekend with her and Papa.  She went shopping with us, helped Mom with things that needed to be done, and always showed us how much she loved us.  She was never in a hurry and she always included us in what she was doing.  This is for her.

Happy Mother’s Day Grandma!  I miss you a lot!  I wish you could spend Mother’s Day with us, but I know that you’re in heaven and it is better for you there. If you were here, I’d give you a bouquet of flowers and make a delicious dinner for you and Papa. 

I remember a day when I was about five years old and we were at your house.  I was playing dolls in Mommy’s old bedroom and you came to check on me.  Wanting you to join in my game, I told you that we were both teachers and that our students lived at school.  You replied, “I don’t know how to play that, but I do know how to plant flowers. I think we should go plant some. What do you think?”  I thought that was a great idea and pulled you outside because I was so excited.  From that day on, I have enjoyed gardening and looking at flowers. Thank you for taking time to share your loves and teach me. I love you!

The Teenage Season

Let me introduce myself.  I am the daughter. What would you like to know about me?  I am the oldest.  I have two little sisters and a little brother.  I love to be with children, so I volunteer in our church nursery and babysit.  I enjoy singing, writing plays, acting and reading.  I recently rediscovered my love for sign language and am looking into becoming an interpreter when I'm older.  I have more to say, but I should save something for next time.

Hidden Gems in Polished Cornerstones

I didn't realize that I wanted my daughters to be as corner stones, polished after the similitude of a palace until I came across Doorposts.  They are some awesome people who have a multitude of publications dealing with character to help the rest of us raise our children to honor God inwardly and outwardly.

Polished Cornerstones is the first of their publications that we have implemented in our homeschool curriculum.  We discovered it at a conference and began using it the following Monday.  The book takes the girls (and their mother) through a variety of activities as they study qualities found in a Godly woman.  For each quality, there is a list of Bible verses and suggested activities for younger and older girls.  Families may choose as many activities as they like before moving on to the next section.

Although I have two beginners and one intermediate, I have chosen to do intermediate activities with all of them so far.  We do the discussions and activities together and greatly enjoy doing so.  For example, the girls and I read Proverbs 31 together and then categorized the woman's traits according to a worksheet in the book.  The next week, we read the book of Ruth.  I planned to only read one chapter a day for a week, but the girls were so upset when I closed my Bible on the first day that we finished the story in one day.  A couple of days later we used another worksheet to compare Ruth to the Proverbs 31 woman.  Between activities, we discuss what we read and process through it a little more.  Each evening, the girls are eager to tell their dad about what they learned that day and he asks questions to further their understanding.

Anything that gets my girls excited about becoming a more Godly woman is great with me (and my husband). Polished Cornerstones is a crowd pleaser in our house and I look forward to using more of Doorposts' resources in the future.

By the way, to learn about plants and polished cornerstones, read Psalm 144:12-15.

The Mean Mom

The Mean Mom.  I wear the title proudly.  Prouder than Superman wears his "S."  I think I may even have a T-shirt made with that on the front.  It didn't happen overnight, but there have been glimmers of it as long as I have been a mom.  My husband and I agreed early on that our daughters wouldn't wear things as toddlers that we would say no to when they were older.  No tops that show your belly, one-piece swimsuits only, no short shorts, and on and on.  So far it has worked.  We have been consistent with our expectations and the girls have made responsible choices.  Our daughters have chosen to wear shorts over their swimsuits because just a swimsuit wasn't enough for their taste.

The Mean Mom doesn't stop at clothing choices.  Television, movies, activities, how they spend their allowance, and now even friends are subject to scrutiny.  We don't usually just say no.  We ask questions and encourage our children to make choices.  Is that (show/movie/activity/friend) building your character?  Are the characters in that show demonstrating the values you want to have?  Is this really how you want to spend your money knowing that it will take you time to earn more?  Is that friend encouraging you to make good choices or influencing you to make bad choices?  Is this a place where people will be making choices that you want to make or a place that would be better to avoid.  I am happy to say that most of the time, our girls make choices that we are happy with.  Sometimes, we discuss their choices and guide them to a better choice.  This often happens with activities they share with friends.  Occasionally, we let them go down a wrong path and experience the consequences.  Once when we were driving, the girls didn't want to drink the water we had in the car.  Instead they bought sodas at the gas station.  Later, we stopped for ice cream and the girls didn't have money to buy any.  Cruel?  Not really.  Did they drink the free water next time?  Yes, and they had money for ice cream at the end of the trip.  Lesson learned.  You must live within a budget and that means making choices.  I didn't care if they used their money to buy the soda or the ice cream, I just don't want them blindly spending money as if there is no limit.

I recently overheard my oldest daughter telling the younger two that I'm not really a mean mommy.  I love them and I'm teaching them to make good choices.  She also said, "the neighbor's mom is nice, but those girls don't make very good choices because she lets them do things they shouldn't do."  Occasionally, my daughter even tells me that she is glad that I take the time to help her make good choices.  Once she asked me to help her find the perfect husband when she is ready to get married.  I think by then she won't need my help as much as she thinks she does now.  I also think that one day she will earn a T-shirt with "Mean Mom" written across the front.


**For the record, we have amended the dress code.  Who knew that our 10-year-old would have legs so long that the only thing long enough to be modest would be Bermuda shorts?