What is Your Why?

As part of my focused new year, I'm participating in a group called 30 Days of Hustle.  It's the brainchild of Jon Acuff.  On Day 1 we each listed our "what."  What are we planning to hustle?  Most of us know that we need to set goals (often called resolutions at this time of year) and then throw everything we have at them.  In the group, our "what" must be concrete and measurable.  With my kids, I tell them to make SMART goals (specific, measurable, attainable, rent, time) and it's the same basic idea.  While I want to be more organized, that's not a good goal.  I will have more success with a goal such as spending ten minutes per day filing and purging because I can know exactly when I've achieved this.  It's not ambiguous. 

Jon takes this a step farther to point out that we need to identify why we set these goals.  This is another tool to help us be more successful in achieving our "what."  If I identify why I'm doing it, then I'm more likely to continue doing it.  Back to my organization goal, I probably will not work towards that goal long if I'm only doing it to check it off of my list.  Remember, our goals are usually not things that happen naturally for us or they would already be happening.  When I identify that keeping my papers organized will help me at tax time, prevent losing things and save me from the rushed cleaning when company is coming, then I'm more likely to stay with it.

As you think about your resolutions, goals, words, themes, and the new year in general...take a moment to identify your why.  If you keep a journal or jot notes in a calendar or app, write down your why.  Go back to it when you are struggling or need to refocus.  This one extra step may be just what you need to stay on track.

A Focused Year

Resolutions.  Goals. Themes.  Words.  It seems that every new year brings new demands.  Some with good intentions such as setting resolutions and goals or choosing a theme or word to guide us through the year.  There is something about starting new and having expectations of how it's going to go that brings out the ambitious spirit in us.  But sometimes it doesn't feel as good as it looks on paper.  Often it drags me down. All of these resolutions and goals and themes and words get muddled up into a mess of failure.  On January 2nd.  Maybe even January 15th if it's a particularly successful year.  Why does this happen?  Because, as wonderful as they are, these goals and resolutions and everything else are not usually cohesive.  I set goals for work and school and our house that do not work together. 

This year I decided to try something very different.  Before doing anything else, I chose a word.  Not a phrase or even a hyphenated word.  Drumroll, please....my word is FOCUS.  I have a few, very specific goals for all aspects of my life that work together in 2014.  To do this, I chose the one area of my life that I want to focus on and the goal in that area is my number one overall goal.  The goals in all other areas of my life must work towards that one main goal to help me improve in that one area.  In doing this, I found that something that would have been a goal in other years hasn't gone away, but has a new place in my life.  A more appropriate place.  This new layout helps me become more FOCUSED and more productive in the coming year. 

When I latched onto this idea of having a word to guide me through the year, I didn't stop with me.  My kids and husband have also chosen words.  They chose grace, self-image, joy, and listen.  Here are some ways to help us FOCUS on our words throughout the year:

• Prayerfully choose a meaningful word.
• Keep a journal of your word.  Jot down scriptures, quotes, and sayings that use this word or remind you of the word.  This is a place to record anything that comes up regarding this word. 
• Create a visual representation of the word and put it somewhere you will see it often.  Create several if you like for your car, desk, bathroom mirror, fridge, etc.
• Invite someone to join with you on your journey.  Even if they choose a different word (there are countless choices, after all), you can encourage each other.
• To get our journals started, we wrote down the definition, synonyms and antonyms.
• Be on the lookout for your word throughout the year.

Here's to a focused new year!

Showing Compassion 52 Weeks A Year

From Thanksgiving to New Years, for about 6 weeks a year we find compassion for others. Sure throughout the year we may do a random act here and there for someone. However, during the “Holiday Season” we take food to the needy, send cards, give thanks, offer words of kindness and give to charities. But, what about the other 46 weeks of the year, what do we do?

It does not cost anything to tell someone that we love them, to give thanks, to give your time to soup kitchen or visit strangers at the VA, a nursing home, patients in hospice or just to be kind to others. Most all of us have enough food in our cabinets to fill up a bag that we can give to someone in need. It cost very little to send a card to let someone know you are thinking of them or to even give as little as a $1.00 a month to a charity that is close to your heart.

For a lot of people we get so caught up in our everyday life during the year that we don’t even notice that we are too busy to pay attention to how we treat others. We don’t notice that we are sometimes rude to those around us. We forget to edit ourselves and what we say or the tone in which we speak. We disregard acts of kindness and instead of saying thank you we come to expect them. We listen to gossip and even participate in it. We make excuses for our bad behavior or even try to justify it.

The hard work is to acknowledge our short comings. While we may have good intentions, to others what they see is that moment when we act like idiots and seem as if we don’t have an ounce of compassion in our hearts.  We need to take a step back and define ourselves every day, not just 6 weeks out of the year. We have to decide to be more aware, be more kind; loving and true to whom we really are in our hearts.

I am the first to hold up my hand and say I fall short of the person I want to be. I remember a song I learned many years ago.

 “Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me.
Let there be peace on earth, the peace that was meant to be.
With God as our father, brothers all are we.
Let me walk with my brother, in perfect harmony.

Let peace begin with me; let this be the moment now.
With every step I take, let this be my solemn vow.
To take each moment and live each moment, with peace eternally.
Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.”

This is the person I want to be 52 weeks of the year. There is enough craziness, loneliness and hate in the world. My goal is to make a big change in my life and live every day with a purpose of compassion.

https://www.facebook.com/ForSuchASeason

Holiday Traditions

My husband and I both wanted to continue traditions from each of our families and add some of our own when we got married. Both of his parents passed away when we were teens and we live far from most of our family.  We feel that traditions help keep us connected to our past and the people who are important to us, especially around the holidays.  Here are a few of the traditions we have incorporated into our holiday celebrations:

Sometime before Thanksgiving, each person in our family fills out a wish list.  This started out just to help me know who likes what kind of Chapstick and other random information for stockings.  The wish list we used this year asks for things like clothing sizes, favorite colors, items needed, items wanted, etc.  There is usually a week grace period after filling out the wish lists and then nothing can be added.  Also, once the forms are filled out, no one has permission to show me the new things they want at the store.  This has been fairly successful in cutting down the “I wants” as all of the Christmas sales begin.  I give copies to grandparents and other family asking what the kids want for Christmas and everyone is happy with their gifts because they are things they like. 

We keep fall decorations up and celebrate Thanksgiving with a big family meal.  This is one of the few completely kick-back days of our year.  Because we all like to cook and a crowded kitchen makes for a grumpy mama, each person chooses one dish to help prepare. The list is posted so I can call that person when I’m ready to make his/her dish.  Throughout the day, we shuffle the ads around to decide what we’re shopping for, but the only shopping done on Thanksgiving is online after dinner.  During dessert, we make a thankful tree.  Each person puts things on the leaves that he/she is thankful for.  We usually end the day with a movie or two since we’re not really into football. 

The weekend after Thanksgiving is divided between shopping in the stores, making cards (yes, we still send cards), and decorating our house for winter.  I didn't say that we decorate for Christmas for two reasons.  My time is precious and I don't want to spend a lot of time putting things up that will come down in a few short weeks.  Also, we decorate with snowmen and a wintery theme that will last through January rather than Santa Claus.  Our tree is the only thing that comes down on New Year's Day and the rest stays for a while longer. We also get gifts for a local charity to keep ourselves focused on giving rather than getting.

Throughout December, we use our advent calendar to count down to Christmas and keep us focused on the reason for the season.  Normally, the kids each get an ornament to hang on the tree that represents something from the year, but this year we’re making ornaments.  Dozens and dozens of cookies are baked to give as gifts to neighbors, coworkers and loved ones.  We also get our gifts wrapped and under the tree. 

On Christmas Eve, we read the Christmas story, unwrap our pajamas and one family gift that is usually a board game.  We spend the evening watching movies and playing games.  Towards the end of the night, each person fills someone else’s stocking.

Christmas Day begins early in the morning with stockings.  We have a simple breakfast and then unwrap some presents.  My mom and dad come over for a late lunch (our big meal) and then we open the rest of our gifts.  There is always a treasure hunt for something - either a big family gift or something special for someone in the family.  The evening is low-key with dessert and playing with new toys. 

We finish out the holiday celebration by inviting friends over for a big New Year’s Eve potluck dinner.  We celebrate my mom and dad’s anniversary (December 31), our son’s gotcha day (January 1), and the new year all in one.  It’s the best way to welcome a new year!

I’d love to hear how your family celebrates!

 

 

Celebrating Thankfulness

Several years ago, our daughter came home from preschool with a foam tree.  On each leaf she wrote something for which she was thankful.  Every year since then, we have made our own tree at home for Thanksgiving.  We have varied the method of assembly, but it always gets done and we always enjoy doing it.  Some years we each take several leaves and write on them.  Other years, one person is the writer as we go around the table sharing our items.  No matter the method, we enjoy taking the time to give thanks for all that the Lord has provided for us.

A Special Veteran's Day

It isn't uncommon for kids to look forward to celebrating special occasions like Christmas, Thanksgiving and their family members' birthdays.  My kids aren't all that common.  Every year around this time I am sweetly surprised when my kids dig into my card stash looking for just the right card to give their dad for Veteran's Day.  They usually wake up early to make him a special breakfast before he heads to work (just because it's a holiday doesn't mean truck drivers get the day off) and then they make him a lunch with the cards hidden inside.  Although our oldest daughter was less than a year old when my husband was medically discharged from the military, all of our girls remember vividly the day we said good-bye to him when he left for Iraq as a civilian contractor and the day he surprised the girls by walking into a restaurant where we were celebrating our middle daughter's birthday.  I am glad that all four of our kids understand the importance of honoring those who serve for our country.

Because of the impact of my husband's military career on our family, it wasn't all that surprising to me when my mom told me a few weeks back that she had nominated my husband to be on the Steve Harvey Show for a Veteran's Day special.  I was surprised to find out that not just my husband, but our whole family was one of a couple of families being considered for the show.  It was easy to get wrapped up in the excitement.  The timing of the taping couldn't have been better.  Our family has faced our share of difficulties lately with one of our children having a seizure in June that triggered a string of doctor appointments and diagnoses of health issues (none of which triggered the seizure) and my husband experiencing serious misfortune in our business including an accident that totaled our semi and took our income and savings down to nothing for three months beginning in July.  I didn't know a whole lot about what the show was about beyond honoring veterans who give back to their communities, but I looked at this opportunity to get away to Chicago as a breath of fresh air for our family.  Because my husband gives up so much for me and the kids, I was also thrilled that he would be the recipient of something special beyond what I could give him.  The part that made this arrangement completely ideal was that I had already scheduled the days surrounding the taping to be away from work to attend a conference. 

All that stood between us and Chicago was an interview via Skype with one of the show staff members.  I spoke with the kids about being prepared to answer questions about how we are involved in our community and general things about what they like to do so that they could be involved in the interview and each contribute something different that reflected their wonderful personalities.  We got up early that morning and I made sure every was ready with clean clothes and brushed hair and teeth.  We prepared the computer and my stomach did flips as I waited for the call.  The flips became stronger and more frequent as the appointed time came and went with no call.  Knowing that he arranged the call, I began to quiz my husband...Are you sure she said 9:30?  Were we supposed to Skype her?  How can she Skype us if you didn't give her our username?  Luckily for him, the phone finally rang but the interview was over before we really even said much at all.  I was completely thrown off guard when the sweet interviewer asked my kids what my husband and I do for them.  Apparently my kids were surprised too because only my oldest daughter was able to pull together an answer.  At the end of our chat, the lady said that they would have an answer for us late that evening but she was pulling for us.  It was at this point that our kids realized that this wasn't just some lady that wanted to meet them, but someone who might want them on TV.  In Chicago!!!  That meant a trip on an airplane or a train - a first for two of our kids!!!  This would be better than any Christmas gift we could give sine we are still getting back on our feet from the events of the summer.

As I went about my day, I couldn't help but get excited.  She said our chances were good and it was between us and one other family.  Was this how God was going to bless us for our faithfulness through the past few months - by sending us to Chicago for a TV show?  He's done more unexpected things in our lives, so it could happen!  My excitement turned by the next morning when we heard nothing.  Didn't she say that she liked us?  Were we not chatty enough?  Not attractive enough?  Doubt and disappointment led me through the next few days.  It was momentarily alleviated when my husband's phone rang as we walked into church that Sunday morning.  It was the lady who interviewed us...saying that we weren't chosen.  My heart sank.  To be completely honest, I cried.  Second place never feels so bad except when you think about how good first place could have felt.  My heart was sad for my husband who deserves this sort of honor and my kids whom I overheard excitedly talking about traveling as a whole family on the train or airplane.

I packed my bags and went to the conference with my mom as scheduled before this whirlwind caught me up in it.  Apparently being on the show and whatever came with that was not the blessing that God had for us and I knew that in time I would be satisfied with not going.  I knew that there were many other families with compelling stories that truly deserved this as much as my family and was happy that the show was honoring any veterans. The first night at the conference, the night we would have been in a hotel preparing for the show, my husband called to tell me it was OK that we weren't picked.  He and three of the kids were home with a terrible stomach bug.  Being in Chicago (or traveling there) would not have been fun at all like this.  I had to agree with him.

I though I dodged the sickness by being gone (my thoughtful husband disinfected the house before I came back), but I have been home sick most of this week.  With little energy to do much else, I was flipping through the channels this afternoon and saw The Steve Harvey Show listed.  Out of curiosity, I turned it on to get a glimpse of the man whom had almost blessed my family with a lovely surprise holiday.  On this particular show, he gave a family a day out with pizza and bowling.  The kids were ecstatic and he commented about how easy it was to please them.  It took me back to how overjoyed my kids were about simply traveling to Chicago and staying in a hotel.  My kids were thrilled to consider the many beverage and snack possibilities while traveling and hoped for time to swim in the hotel pool!  Yes, they are easy to please!

My thoughts were interrupted when a teaser came on for Monday's show.  It wasn't about the veteran as I expected...it was about the super mom in the military family!  I had to rewind the clip to make sure I heard it right.  For the past two weeks, I have mourned something I never really had - the opportunity for my husband and family to be blessed because of what my husband has done when really my mom did this for me.  Because I am that kind of person, I cried again. 

This time it wasn't because of what we didn't have.  It was because of what I have.  At this point, I really don't want to know why we weren't chosen.  It doesn't matter and it isn't going to change anything.  Some people who don't know us met in a room and chose to honor another family over mine and that's irrelevant now.  Chosen or not, this was a reminder that I needed.  What matters is that I have an amazing family that takes every possible opportunity to demonstrate their love and appreciation for one another.    What I do isn't about me, but this is a reminder to me that my kids value the time I spend teaching them, driving them to their activities, and just hanging out with them.  I know that my husband appreciates the crazy dinners I pull together when he gets home late from work, the errands for him, and all of the other wifely things I do. His appreciation was evidenced in the things he did to get us on the show, something he would have rolled his eyes at if I had mentioned it to him.  And then there's my mom, who has her hands full with so much going on in her own life, but took the time to submit her letter and try to surprise me and cheer me up after our recent turn of events.  The things my family has done over the past couple of weeks to try to honor me validated all of those moments when the kids complain about their school work or my husband points out something that's not right and I wonder why I'm doing all of the things that I do.  Our faces may not be on TV this Veteran's Day and the day's routine will probably be like most any other day, but it will be my most special Veteran's Day ever.

Making Gift Giving Easier

When celebrating holidays, I try to balance my desire to be practical with the light-hearted fun of the occassion.  In our house, stockings and Easter baskets are filled with wonderful treats like toothpaste, body wash and pencils as well as minimal candy and toys.  When my girls were little, I'd get three of everything (one for each girl) in their favorite scents, flavors or colors - Chapstick, bubble bath, mini notebooks, whatever.  Now that we've added a boy in the mix and all of the kids are older, I've gotten a little more creative in my gift giving.  I've also added a new tradition that helps me know that I've chosen things my family likes. Let's be honest, it's not always easy keeping track of four kids' changing favorites.  Sometime each autumn, each of my kids fill out a gift guide.  This is the one time of year when they can write out all of the wonderful things they want and like.  They know that I don't want to hear about everything they see and want as the stores roll out their holiday displays because I will use these guides for my shopping.  Sometimes I deviate from their lists, but that is by my choice, not theirs. 

I don't just keep these lists to myself.  I make copies and share them with their siblings and extended family who ask for gift ideas.  By sharing this information, I often have an idea of who is getting what and duplicate gifts are avoided.  The list offers ideas at a variety of price points so everyone can find a gift within their budget that is sure to please the recipient.  These lists help to cut down on disappointments as gifts are opened because the things they receive are things they wrote on their lists.  We always teach our kids to be grateful for what they receive, but for birthdays and holidays, I'd rather give them what they truly need or want.  They are honestly excited when they receive their favorite toothpaste rather than the basic stuff I buy the rest of the year.

My Gift Guide.pdf